Today marks three years that you died. The past few weeks I've been a wreck. I've been extremely sad and anxious. A little angry too because it's been three years and I still want to know why this happened to us. I miss you Dave. I hate this day. I hate what it represents. I hate the reminder that you're gone. Forever.

One of the only things we have guaranteed in life, is that one day we will die. We'll leave loved ones behind and we'll see their pain from the "beyond".

I wonder if spirits hurt too. Because there's no place in life or death where if I saw my survivors hurting, I wouldn't hurt too.

Stone - alessia cara

Oh babe, when will it hurt less. When will I feel happy knowing you're at peace. Instead it feel like my heart is on fire because since you left there's a huge gaping hole in it. A void no one else will ever fill.

That's the most certain of things. That no matter who I love next, it will never be like you. Even if we visit the same places the memories are never going to be the same. The love won't be the same. Our lives won't be the same. Our inside jokes are ours for me to remember forever. Unfortunately they're not as funny now.

I feel this rising anger.

An anger that is struggling to subside.

An anger that lights the hottest of fires.

A fire that will burn brightly for years to come,

Because the only water needed to put this fire out,

Has traveled to another realm and won't ever come back.

My safe space has been compromised. It doesn't exist anymore. It's left me out in the cold, vulnerable and exposed.

You'll always be my stone.