prompt # 13

Write an apology to yourself for a time you treated yourself poorly. Remember, a good apology should feature an acknowledgment of what happened, how it made the person feel, and how you will do better in the future.

Dear V,

I'm sorry for all the years that I've treated you poorly. I'm sorry for all the years I didn't feel pretty enough, sexy enough, confident enough. I'm sorry for taking for granted everything you provide to us in this body. I'm sorry for allowing other people to influence some of our choices. I'm sorry for the days where I let depression win. I'm sorry that my impulsive behavior created trouble for us sometimes. I'm sorry for all the times I lied to you, thinking I could actually fool you. V, I am so sorry for all the poor choices I made that you had to pay for. I'm sorry for always loving the wrong people and then leaving you alone when things don't pan out and you have to deal with my depression and anxiety because I actively ignore them. There's so much I could apologize for, but this is where I start.

Moving forward i vow to listen to you more. I promise to be less impulsive and more in control of my actions and words. I'm getting too old to keep fucking up and acting like it's ok because I haven't been able to control certain impulses. I promise you I'll do better V. You deserve better. Your heart deserves better. Your brain deserves peace. Your love is so strong and powerful and I promise you that I'll be more careful who I give it too.

Thank you for always being there to pick up the pieces when they fall apart. Thank you for being there when no one else is. Thank you for grounding me when my delusions try to take over. And most importantly, thank you for loving me even when I don't love myself. I'll work on that, pinky promise.