Fear….

Let's talk about fear for a little bit.

What are you afraid of?

Can you openly talk about your fears without experiencing more fear and anxiety?

Fear is one of those things people don't like to talk about. We don't like to be reminded about the things we fear because it means we have a human side, a weakness. Fear is a sign of vulnerability. It's an unpleasant state where you feel threatened in some way. Fear gets in the way of so many things on a daily basis, for so many people. Myself included.

On a generic level, I'm afraid of rodents 😖 can't do rodents. Any kind. Just no!! I'm scared of snakes, some spiders, sometimes the dark (lol don't judge me!), slightly afraid of heights (that one is kind of new). I'm sure there's more but my memory sucks.

On a deeper level I'm afraid of failure, all kinds of failure, I'm afraid of instability, I'm afraid of not being a good mom, I'm afraid of unknowingly damaging my kids somehow. The one thing I learned perfectly from my parents, was the kind of parent I didn't want to be.

I also have irrational fears, to me they're irrational but I guess to a normal person they're valid. I've lost a lot, I've been through a lot so it's almost like what else is there to lose or fuck up?? I fear loss, losing those that matter most to me, I fear abandonment to a certain degree, doing something wrong, messing up bad enough for someone I love to drift away and leave me behind. My biggest irrational fear is being widowed twice. I don't know that I could go through something like this again and recover from it. Maybe this is why I used to treat A the way I did. I wanted to take care of him so I can love him a little longer.

I've always been the type to force myself to face certain fears. I truly believe it's necessary. It helps a little that i'm impulsive and not too shy. A lot of times i just go for it and not think about it too much because if i allow myself to think, i won't do anything. Remember when you were little and curious about everything? Don't lose that curiosity, it helps control the fear.

I don't remember the point of this entry lol so i'll leave you with this.......

1. Do the things that scare you

2. Be Brave!

3. Don't overthink

4. Talk to the guy/girl

5. Buy the thing

6. Apply for the job

7. Ask for a raise

8. Register for that class

9. Go on that date

YOU LOSE 100% OF THE SHOTS YOU DO NOT TAKE!