Luna…

"Luna, tu que lo ves dile cuanto lo extraño"

-Ana Gabriel

I've always had this infatuation with the moon and the stars. I've always been extra curious of outer space, what it feels like, if it has a smell, what moon dust feels like, what can you physically see from up there, down to curiosity about the dry space food they provide. i've always been a curious little thing and sometimes that curiosity gets me in trouble.

i've written about my somewhat rocky situationship with A, i've written a lot about the times when im sad. well this isn't that. yesterday i had to remind myself that it wasn't always bad, and when it was good, it was really good. i decided to go through a years worth of conversations, texts, pictures, emojis, videos, songs. it was actually really nice to see, to remember. i miss those random song screenshots, videos of him singing along, random videos of Scout. I'm really gonna miss Scout.

i started with a quote about the moon because the moon can see his vulnerability, she can see the parts that i can't and if possible i'd send messages with her. this line is a lyric from a song by mexican singer Ana Gabriel. it loosely translates to "my dear moon, since you can see him, tell him i miss him." very loosely translated lol.

I'm writing this entry because i don't like being sad and as hurt as i am, i don't hate him. i could never. but i am getting used to the idea that it's just not going to work and i need to let go. the fact that i can write that and not feel like dying its a huge step in the right direction. So, Angelito, if you read this, no hard feelings. i'll still love you and i'll still be here if you ever need me but the time has come where i can no longer see you as a viable suitor because, you simply are not. i enjoyed the time that i was yours, even the hard ones. i'm sorry if i ever hurt you, pissed you off or annoyed you, i know that i can be a lot and i have the tendency to love a little too hard. i'll see you around darling, and know that i'll always look at the moon and think of you ❤️🌕