Are they worth it?

Have you ever loved someone and asked yourself, are they worth it?? I feel like if you’re asking yourself this question then the answer is probably no. Because if you’re asking “are they worth it” that means you’re questioning,

• Are they worth your effort?

• Are they worth the trouble of pursuing them?

• Are they worth your pain?

• Are they worth your tears?

• Are they worth your heartache?

• Are they worth your selflessness?

• Are they worthy of the ownership of your thoughts?

• Are they worthy of all the love you want to give them?

Now let’s break all of this down, shall we?

• Effort - how much effort should you invest in someone you’re pursuing? This differs as everyone has different views on this topic. I personally feel like you should always give your best effort because then there are no regrets or what ifs. I, however feel like if you’re wondering if they’re worth your effort, that means not much of yours is being reciprocated, therefore it warrants an honest conversation between both parties. You should be able to convey your feelings and thoughts without feeling like you need to walk on eggshells or feel like they won’t be validated. If you feel like you’re pouring more into the relationship/partnership, tell them and if nothing changes then you’ve gotten your answer.

• To pursue or not pursue — this is something you ask yourself at the very beginning. Like, do I like this person enough to try and pursue more than a friendship? Will it work for us? Here you evaluate what you already know about the person and their behaviors and make a choice.

• Pain- are they worth your pain? This is a devils advocate type of question. No right answer. No simple answer. It’s no question that relationships take work, and both people have to be willing and able to put in the work. If being with them or loving them is causing you pain, then maybe you shouldn’t stick around. It’s kind of the type of thing where you weigh out the pros and cons and if the cons win, that’s your answer right there. I think the problem is that because we love them or have this sliver of hope that it’ll work out we end up tolerating more than we actually should. So, are they worth your pain? Only you can answer that, but don’t tolerate more than you should.

• Tears — if they’re making you cry, let them go. If you’re being vocal about your feelings and they’re not being validated, cry it out and let them go. Don’t shed constant tears for someone who can’t love you the way that you deserve. Tears are meant as a release for pain, but you shouldn’t be “releasing” so much pain on a daily or even weekly basis.

• Heartache — having your heart broken is inevitable. There is nothing you can do to avoid this. Even when you try to act tough, when you try to close yourself off to the idea of loving someone because you feel like they’ll inevitably disappoint you, won’t work. Eventually, someone will sneak in and find a spot in your heart and leave their mark. When they leave, that mark will stay and your heart will literally ache in the wake of their absence. You’ll build up walls in an effort to not feel the gut wrenching pain of the loss, but again, it’s inevitable. When you’re alone and you miss them, that pain will creep up and you’ll break even if it’s only for a second. There’s no growth without pain, so I think heartbreak and pain are necessary, therefore, it’s worth it. You’ll come out on top, stronger and more confident in yourself and what you want and need.

• Selflessness — when we love, we have this natural instinct to be selfless. All we want is to make our people happy no matter what it takes. At least for me it’s like that. I feel like if your selflessness is being reciprocated or even if it’s just being acknowledged and appreciated, then it’s definitely worth it. If you don’t see a reaction or you end up feeling hurt or unappreciated, then they’re not worth your selflessness. Try to see the signs before it’s too late. Trust me, the signs are there.

• Ownership — I feel like this is a tricky one. Do you really want to relinquish ownership of yourself? Of any kind? People in relationships, myself included, like to refer to their partners are their person. We like to tell them how much they mean to us, we like to say things like “my heart is yours, my body is yours”. But is that the right thing to say? Do we really want to willingly give away so much power to someone else? I’m guilty of doing this. I love giving myself away, in part or as a whole. I love belonging to my partner and making sure they know that I’m theirs. It’s something I need to work on because the more of myself I give away, the less there is for me to love within myself. So love them, give them kindness, and make sure they feel loved and appreciated but don’t relinquish ownership to anyone. You only belong to yourself. Nobody will or should love you more than you love yourself.

• Love — everyone is worthy of love. Even the hard ones. So love freely so you won’t have any regrets. But always be mindful of the love you’re getting back. When you feel like that love had dissipated and is not being reciprocated then maybe it’s time to love them from afar.

Relationships are hard and people can be complicated but love, love is easy. Love is probably the simplest emotion in the world because it comes naturally. The trick to love is to always love yourself more than you love another person. We can be kind, selfless, loving, caring, passionate and we could want to give our partners the world, but gift that world to yourself first.

Thank you for being here, for supporting my passion and I hope 2023 is full of self love.

Happy New Year 🎆

Love,

Dory ✨✨