Are we really hard to love??

I recently picked up this book at Target called "Loving People Who are Hard to Love" by Joyce Meyer. I haven't gotten far in it but the first chapter essentially tells you the secret which is to love them anyway. I was dating a guy that said these words to me. At the time my response was, nobody is hard to love, people just need to be loved in a specific way. The wrong person can't love you properly therefore, it comes across like you're difficult to love.

I still stand by this. I truly believe this.

I really hate the phrase "hard to love" because I feel like it implies that someone might not be worth loving. Usually this stems from past trauma. At some point in your life somebody made you feel like this, like you were too much. Like it was too hard to love you, so they gave up. Leaving you feeling inadequate, abandoned, and ultimately like you can't really be yourself because the last time you did that some asshole couldn't handle it.

I've been here a couple of times in the past but now, fuck that!! I love myself even if you don't love me. I have a weakness and a tendency to overlove, overanalyze, overshare, and just over everything. This has led to a high level of self awareness, I know when I'm being too much, I know when my crazy is poking through, and when I need to fall back. I'm very intuitive of people and their perception, at least I like to think that I am. I constantly apologize for certain behaviors, but I feel like that stems from years of conditioning and people pleasing. I'm actively working on that because I need to make myself more of a priority.

Some people require a little extra love and I think it's because they can't find that love within themselves so the people around them have to love them a little more. The problem, however, is that nobody is really willing to do that. Even family pulls away from certain family members because they just can't handle their personalities. The world would be such a harmonious place if everyone acknowledged their flaws, actively worked on them and realized that those "hard to love" people just needed a little extra help.

But we all know the world is a less than ideal place and personalities clash, attitudes can't be tamed, narcissistic behaviors are in abundance and it takes a special level of self love and self awareness to really be unaffected by a narcissist.

I guess where I'm getting at is that the "hard to love" people in your life are harder to love because of their past experiences in life and in love. They deserve a little empathy, a little extra love and a push in the direction of self help, self awareness and healing. At the end of the day you have to acknowledge your flaws and failures, but acknowledgment is NOT enough. You have to work on it, you have to heal from it, you have to lean into the pain and let it take over and when it's over, it'll really be over. You'll be free!! Free from those intrusive thoughts, free from self sabotage, free from pain, free from that mentality that you're not worthy of love because you're "difficult".

Learn to be less difficult. You have to compromise because otherwise it won't work and you'll always be "difficult". I'm not saying be completely complacent but if YOUUU are telling someone else "I'm difficult to love" then it's time for a change! Apologies only go but so far, actions are the real deal. And if these words are coming from you directly then you're aware that you're the problem, so change it. Work on what needs to be worked on. Now, if someone else is telling you that you're difficult to love them they're not the right person for you. The right person will love you through the difficulties and not give up. They'll learn to love you and care for you the way you need. And they'll help you heal from the past trauma.

So don't give up, people that love you for you exist. You just have to find them.

Love,

Dory ✨