Dating in 2022…..

Dating is trash! If you're single in 2022 and you've tried online dating, then you know it's the absolute worst. It would be easy for me to blame men and say they just don't do what men used to do. But the reality is that women play a part in the failure of relationships too. (I have an entry on female toxicity brewing so stay tuned for that)

This is what you find in online dating in 2022:

The Snapchat guys, the Snapchat girls with OF, the bored married guys, the guys with "complicated" girlfriends, the emotionally unavailable (for whatever reason), the fuckboys, the liars, multiple Casper's, and the list goes on........

When I found myself newly single after 15 years and grieving, I wasn't in a good place. I lied to myself about where I was emotionally. David died in March and by June I had created a dating profile online. I created it because I was bored and horny. I just needed to get laid and I had been off the market long enough that there weren't any viable fuck buddies from the past. I was having a wicked case of widows fire and masturbating was NOT enough. I'm talking 6 times a day. When I first got my rose I thought I was gonna break it from over usage or desensitize my whole clit.

Me being me, I decided my dating approach would be honesty. I was painfully honest with the men I would meet online. Part of me was protecting myself because I felt like if they were gonna run when I told them my story, then I rather get that out of the way right away. After a back and forth hello or good morning or whatever, I would follow up my conversations with something that caught my eye from their profile, they would follow suit and then I'd drop the bomb. Not gonna lie at first it was kind of rough and I had to kinda pep talk myself into starting conversations. My main goal in starting this dating journey was NOT a relationship. I wasn't looking for love. I was looking at it with a professional approach. Like if I was conducting interviews for the best suitor. I guess in a sense that's what dating is.

After the uncomfortable "I'm a widow with 4 kids in therapy" talk I would analyze their responses and if they stuck around and the conversation was good then we'd move on to the next part of the interview. Sex talk. Let me tell you guys what my dating expectations were, I wanted a cute guy, between 30-45, with his own place, preferably close to home, who could match my horny and would answer every time I called for some dick. Again, me being me, that's like 3 times a week on a normal basis and because I'm a mom and have shit to do, if not it would probably be daily lol. But my horny ass with widows fire, were talking twice a day minimum.

I'm not delusional like some girls, I didn't want their money, I didn't want a bunch of dates, flowers, none of that, I just wanted a dick on demand with a heavy desire for eating pussy. That's not too much, is it?

After a while I was juggling multiple conversations at the same time, for some reason guys with A names, David's and men that were too damn far kept liking my profile. My very first I guess date, was this guy named David. David was something else. He was a lot like my David, and we could talk for hours. But David was NOT for me. He was kind of controlling, hated texting, wanted to be on the phone forever and god forbid I didn't answer his calls or went a full day without responding. That got tiring quick. It became toxic quick so I ghosted him. Eventually he came back and was all nice but the niceness was short lived. We didn't even get to fuck until months later and only once and it was trash. Bye David!

Then along came Dennis, Dennis was a fine ass piece of Godiva Dominican chocolate. I just wanted to jump on him from the very beginning, and every time I saw him, whew. Here was the problem with Dennis, he wanted to be good. He wanted to take his time and take things slow and I just wanted that dick. I loved how sweet he was though. He'd come see me almost daily from Danbury (about 45 min drive). Our dates were always the best. Kind of old school, but I loved it. We'd go on walks, go get ice cream, lay on my trampoline and look at the stars, dumb little things that made me so happy. I loved every second of it. I didn't care what we did as long as we were together. He had a lot going on and eventually he ghosted me. I hope he's ok, he wasn't a bad guy.

After Dennis I took a break from dating. My ego was hurt that he ghosted me because he could have just talked to me. I put all my dating apps on hold and just stopped.

In November, I got bored again and re-activated my Hinge. Hinge was the one dating app I actually liked. Less creeps. This is when I met Angel. He liked my picture and he had the best profile pic (selfie with dog 😍) so we matched. We started talking and he asked for my IG handle and up until that moment I had been really weary of sharing my social media with any of the guys on the dating apps. Idk why I felt like I could trust Angel enough to actually give it to him. But I did. We got to talking more regularly, we actually bonded over death. Weird I know. But I had lost someone important and he had lost several so he understood. Angel checked off alllllll the boxes of what I was looking for in a fuck buddy, but I could sense just a tad of shyness so I got to work. I flirted, HEAVILY, and every time I asked him what he was doing the next day or next week I always followed with "hopefully me". Very forward I know, but I knew from the very first second I wanted that pretty little mouth on me.

I expected for this to be a really good one night stand. I always got fuckboy vibes from him, until I met him. When I met him I realized I had him all wrong and he was actually a decent guy. Definitely not a fuckboy. You know how first time sexual encounters can be kind of awkward and sometimes the first time isn't good. This wasn't the case, it was fucking great. I described it to my bestie as vanilla, but the best vanilla I've ever had.

At the time I was working nights and I would come see him and have sex and head to work a happy gal. That went on for a few weeks and then poof he disappeared. I didn't care because I knew it was just sex but shit I was mad I had to start looking again. After like a month he came back and it was consistent for a while, I started sleeping over and that's when I realized I had feelings. Eww 🤢 I wasn't sure if he had them too so I kept them to myself. Then he disappeared again!! This time I was hurt, but it still wasn't anything real so I couldn't really be that hurt.

I couldn't keep up with the inconsistencies so in between his moods and distance stages I would date and have conversations and just entertain myself until he decided to come back around, if he came back.

I met another Angel, and he was the sweetest guy. He'd drive from Hartford just to see me, we always did what I wanted to do, ate what I wanted to eat, I couldn't do anything wrong for this guy. He treated me like a queen. After some really nice conversations and a couple of really sweet dates I decided maybe this is what I need. Because by this point it had been months of back and forth with A, I felt like I needed to be honest with him. So I told him I decided to give someone else a fair shot and I needed to stay away from him if I had any chance of making this new thing work. He understood. But I guess he didn't agree, because suddenly he was consistent and we started talking every day and little by little I fell in love with A and I started alienating myself from the other Angel. I feel like Angel #2 never actually had a fair shot because my Angel was always on the back burner.

When I decided to give Angel #2 a shot, I deleted all my dating apps. I cut off everyone who would be a distraction and interfere with what i was attempting to build.

Clearly Angel #2 didn't work out and if you've been following the other entries you know I'm in love with A but we still haven't defined anything. Sometimes I get frustrated and I wanna walk away but I just can't.

#FoolinLove

That's my dating journey in a nutshell. There's more but I'm not sharing those details lol.