Dear Dave,

Hi babe,

Last night Haydee and I were guests on another podcast. It was so much fun. The 25 and over podcast is definitely our kind of people. I love doing the collabs, meeting people as crazy as me.

Anyway after our recording, I gave Haydee a tour of the NYC that you showed me. I wanted to drive past Belmont but I know it's no longer there so I didn't bother. I took her to battery park city and told her about our adventures there. How we'd go after our dates and just enjoy the peace and each others company. The quiet of the night, the waves of the Hudson and of course my SVU jokes on bodies found in the Hudson. That was really our spot in the beginning. Did I tell you I took the kids there last summer? I told them all about our dates there and I took pics of them with the Statue of Liberty in the background. I took them to the playground. Our kids are too damn smart sometimes, they asked why this NY looks different than Mama's NY 😂. I love them so much, that question had me dying.

After the park we drove to Hillstone (Houston's) I told her about all our dinner dates here and how you always ordered the same thing. Spinach artichoke dip as an appetizer and a center cut filet with fries as an entrée. One day I'll go back and honor you in some way. I just have some more healing to do. It's so crazy because everything that reminds me of you or that we did together or went together is so different now. I have to do those things in baby steps. Like watching SVU, the new episodes, I still can't watch them. I was finally able to watch manifest but I think the release of the show happened to catch me at a good time. I can't do Ruth's Chris or Hillstone yet. I'll get there one day. Right now, outback is our go to when we want to honor and recognize you in some way. There's still a bunch of stuff I can't do because the memories are too painful. I'll get there one day.

By the way I think city crab closed. I didn't see it when I was going down Park Ave.

From Hillstone we drove down Madison, you know I had to. I took pics, I'll add them on here so you can take a look. I've been thinking about you so much lately. I was really sad going down memory lane with Haydee. I told her about when we met, how you showed me a whole new world. NYC in a way I never even dreamed of. As I was telling her all these stories I realized that it almost sounds like a completely different life. The things we did and experienced and the things you taught me are almost like a pretty woman dupe. Minus the hooker part lol. So back to my tour, we drove down Madison to my favorite store just like how you always drove me there. Let me say that the window was super whack. You remember how they always had these beautiful displays in the window? The real reason I loved driving there. Well last night it was so plain, I was low key disappointed. For some reason we couldn't get a good picture of it either, too many lights I guess. I'll show you the picture tho so you can see what I mean.

After Christian we moved over to Park Ave, I showed her Lenox Hill and told her the story of when we had Julian and you shelled out for the private suite next to where Beyoncé gave birth. You're so boojie lol. I feel like a lot of my experiences with you were once in a lifetime experiences. I told her about your obsession with the grape drink from grays papaya and how you liked your hotdogs plain. She made a face lol. I showed her your building, where you grew up and ironically she told me she was born in metropolitan hospital and lived on 106 & 3rd as a child. It was memory lane for her too. I told her about the coquito man always on the corner of 120th and how we would usually stop when he was there. I told her about the night I met your parents and how embarrassed I was. I still have that shirt by the way.

it's bittersweet to remember all those things because now they're memories that I can't share with you and laugh about. That's why I'm writing this entry, because there's so much I want to share with you but you left us. I miss you. WE miss you.

I love you baby. I'm grateful for everything you taught me and I still miss you like hell.