Hi Bitches!!!

Heyy y'all!!! I haven't done a personal update in a while so, here it goes. Work is good, kids are good, house is ok, anxiety is baaaadd.

I recently added a book to my kindle called "500 journaling prompts" by Robert Duff and guess what?? If you guessed I'm going to turn those 500 prompts into blog entries, you are correct!!! Now some of them are very personal so those will be reserved for dory's secrets.

Dory's Secrets is a category I created where I can share more personal content. It is a subscription so don't be cheap, it's only $5 a month. Less than your daily Starbucks coffee.

Emotionally I've been in a fucked up place and I'm trying my best to pull myself out of it. What am I going to do to pull myself out of it? I'm going to write. I'm going to write and refocus on all the things that I want to do FOR ME! I'm going to get back on track and do things that bring me joy and reduce my anxiety. I've been wasting a lot of time on personal relationships and recently I realized, those relationships were draining me.

I used to talk shit about people that cut off family members because I just couldn't understand why they would do it. Needless to say, I understand now. It's a different kind of hurt when you have to push away someone you love because they're no good for your mental health. I've been working so hard on creating a safe space for myself. A space for me to be at peace. I've been working hard in therapy to figure out why I feel the way I feel and why I do what I do. So I'm doing myself a disservice by allowing other people to come and disrupt or undo all of my hard work.

Now here we are, trying to reel in all the control I've lost.....well given away. This past week I caught myself falling into old patterns and looking (snooping) for something I had no business doing. Then it's like a lightbulb went off and I realized that I'm not that person anymore and I shouldn't allow someone else to push me back into that place.

I've talked a million times on here about Angel and our dysfunctional situationship. Well, mister man has a whole girlfriend. A girlfriend I didn't know about for too long. This man has me hating a girl I don't even know, it's making me bitter, and I've been snooping on her socials, something I swore to myself I'd never do again. So I'm taking responsibility and ownership of my toxic behavior and pushing myself to leave it alone. Their relationship is none of my business, and I'm not doing anyone any favors by being his side chick. It's just a recipe for disaster.

I'm foolishly in love with this man, so the decision to bow out and take the L is hard as fuck. So your girl is gonna do what she does best, write and compartmentalize these hard feelings. I know I have to allow myself the time to process and feel the pain before it feels better so y'all probably gonna see some depressing ass entries in the next few weeks.

There's light at the end of the tunnel though. Nobody has ever died from heartbreak. It just feels like you're dying but then, it goes away. Not completely but distance always helps.

Anyway, so that's my life in a nutshell at the moment. It's a mess but it's mine, and I'm tired of being sick and tired. I'm tired of the bullshit, and I think my personal growth might be the trigger for all this anxiety. You know how it is when you're out of your comfort zone, but I need to power through the anxiety because I know my rainbow is just on the other side of the storm.

Thank you for being here, for allowing me a space to release all the tension and feelings I don't quite understand.

Love,

Dory ✨