I can’t cry!!!

Have you ever felt like crying but can't?

Like your body can't produce tears.

Like you know you need a good cry

You know you have tension to release that only comes from a good cry

But your body just doesn't do it

You feel all the emotions that you would feel if you were crying

But you simply cannot do it

So the tension doesn't go away and those feelings linger in limbo with no place to go

I don't know why I feel this way today. I've tried to analyze why I feel this overwhelming sadness. I have no answers, or maybe I have an influx of answers but can't pinpoint one specific one. I've written about my struggles with depression many times before. I simply don't know if it'll ever go away. As open as I am about my depression and anxiety, I wish I didn't have them. They make me feel broken. They make me feel insignificant. They make me feel small, like I'm being watched and everyone can notice it and they judge me for it.

It's so funny to think that crying and actually feeling your feelings was something people actually needed and wanted. But we do need it, and right now and for the past few days I wanted it. For some reason its just not happening.

Can a person run out of tears?

Can we run out of emotions?

Can we love the world (our world) less?

Would that be it? Could it be?

My sadness is quickly turning to anger as I write this.

What the actual fuck is up with all these damn emotions?

I think I'm burning out.

I think I'm doing too much.

I think I'm giving too much.

I think I'm loving (other people) too much and not leaving any room to love myself.

I started this entry around 730am and it's currently 3pm and this day has explicitly kicked my ass. I feel drained and defeated and yet I still can't cry. I just feel angry that all of this is happening to me today.

What the fuck universe?!?!

Let me be great!!!

I don't like feeling like this 😒 I wanna be hugged and babied and reminded that I'll be ok and the world will get better. All the things Dave used to do and I wish Angel would.