Marry someone who makes you laugh when you’re mad

I saw a meme on IG that said "my mom told me "make sure u marry someone who makes u laugh when ur mad" and that's some of the best advice i've heard"

My husband was so charming. I couldn't stay mad at him, even when he was being a dick he'd crack some type of joke and I would immediately forget why I was mad. My favorite was when he would pretend tickle me until I laughed and it became a real tickle and then we both laughed and it always ended in a kiss with an "I love you" to follow.

After being in therapy for the past couple of years I realized that as "cute" as this may seem and as loving of a memory it is for me, it's full blown manipulation. I can't sit here and tell y'all to see it as a red flag because even though it is, it created a beautiful memory for me. Toxic? Probably. Would I change it? Absolutely not.

My relationship was always tumultuous, many many ups and downs, infidelities, lies, but the good parts.....the good parts were the best parts. The good parts were the best parts not because they were good, but because they created the best memories. Like the one I described above. I don't expect for anyone to understand my marriage, it was mine. It was mine to enjoy it, suffer it, deal with it, water it, protect it, and so on.

It was completely mine, it was D & V til death. And then, it ended. Death came for him when we weren't ready. And now, all I have are those memories. The few pictures and videos we took over the years and all the memories I hope I never forget. I learned so much from him, and I miss him like you can't even imagine. That's the thing about losing your partner, unless you've experienced it, you can't really understand, the grief, the pain, the holding on to the smallest of memories so you can relive them when you're sad.

As time passes I realize that more and more. People pretend to empathize with my grief but only the people who have truly lost someone, someone who was part of their entire being, those are the ones that really get it. I don't know many people like that so I kind of hold on to the ones that do.

Be nice to people who are grieving, grief represents itself in many different ways. Refrain from judging questionable choices because they're just lost and trying to find themselves again. Don't pretend to understand if you don't, it comes across as fake and they'll hate you after that. Just listen when they need an ear, don't even respond, just listen, listen to their pain and offer a safe space for them.

Don't pretend to understand, don't pretend at all, don't ask dumb ass questions like how are you, don't pity them, don't look at them like you can see the broken in them. Give your condolences, help out if you can with every day things like groceries and cooking and cleaning. That's it.

Be good to people, don't be a dick, if you find someone who you love unconditionally, hold onto them. Cherish all the small moments because you never know when they'll turn into memories.

Love y'all,

Dory ✨