Overthinkers Anonymous….

I have a tendency to overthink things. To analyze over and over in my head what should or could be simple. Last night I saw a meme that said "someone who overthinks is someone who overloves". Boy did that resonate with me. This entry might be all over the place, but I have these feelings I just need to let out. it'll also be a glimpse into how tangled my brain really is.

I feel like I haven't been writing as much lately and I'm not really sure why. Normally I would write in the evenings and lately I've been spending my evenings texting A. Not gonna lie, I love it. It's so easy to lose yourself when it comes to someone you love. Creating that boundary is hard, because you're on a "love high" and you don't wanna come down.

I feel like as of late my entries haven't been as honest as they could have been. I started this blog so I could unapologetically write my experiences and my truth and I've been slacking cuz I'm all in love and shit. So what's been going on with Dory lately? Here it is....

Thursday was my late husbands birthday, big dates like that throw me for a loop. It doesn't help that I've been sick all week. A bit worried about being out sick after only one day of work, but not worried enough to make myself go. Hoping I'll be back to 100% by Monday. I'm working on budgeting and getting my finances in order cuz truth be told I've been slacking on that lately.

I've been ignoring a lot of things and pushing them down when I know I need to face things head on and move past them. If you've ever struggled with anxiety you know how tough it can be to actually face the hard things. If you've ever struggled with adhd you know how easy it can be for things to slip through the cracks. Now combine both of those things together, along with fear of failure and you get me. Quirky, uses humor and sarcasm as a coping mechanism, vulnerable, trying to get her shit together all the time me. Just me. This is who I am, I overthink, I overanalyze, I love too much, I care too much, too selfless, too thoughtful, too loyal.

I started writing this entry on Friday and since I started this entry I published 2 other entries that may or may not contradict this one. But who cares right lol. Here we are it's Sunday morning or Saturday night depending on how you view 1am. I've been home sick all week and I've watched more movies this week than I think I have all year. I've had time to reflect and time to think and talk to god and talk to myself and realize that things could always be worse. I lost my writing mojo for a little bit but I think it's coming back. I'm trying to be more transparent with myself and the people around me. I'm trying my best to be more conscientious of my choices, my words and things that ultimately don't benefit me. It's time to be a little selfish with myself. I'm always giving parts of me away and I'm exhausted. Hopefully I can follow through and stop being such a pussy. I might be strong but I'm a Softee with others. If I can help and you ask me for help, imma help. I'm not gonna question it, I'm not gonna judge, I'm just gonna help. It's how I keep getting myself into shit I don't really wanna do but I do it anyway cuz it's a good deed and it's not a big deal.

I feel like I'm sounding a little bitter or resentful but that's not the case at all. I love helping people, I love being kind and caring about others, what I need to learn is how to do that without fucking myself in the ass with no lube.

Anyway with idle time comes overthinking. Maybe that's why I've written so much in the past couple days. Maybe that's why I'm so tired even though I've spent all week sleeping and watching movies. Thinking is exhausting all in itself. Imagine your brain on overdrive all the time. Constantly thinking, and analyzing and just never stopping. Like a car with no brakes. Just running. I often say I wish I could turn off my brain because it's always on overdrive, bitch is always talking and planning and trying to figure shit out. Sometimes I can't stand it. Idk if there is an overthinkers anonymous but shit maybe someone should make one. Maybe it goes hand in hand with the 12 step program for insomniacs 🤔🤔

See there she goes again, I'm always coming up with these ideas and I wish I had the capital and will power to actually execute them. Problem with that is that I'm also extremely impulsive and impatient and quite often I need a more solid person to ground me and bring me back to earth from all the daydreaming.

I already forgot the point of this entry, I think I just needed to keep writing and I'm tired of saving drafts and being a wuss about what I want to say.

So, here it is!

Bye bitches!! 🤘🏻✌🏼