Untangle the brain tangle….

"The Brain Tangle"... I learned this term while going through grief therapy. It basically means that your brain is all over the place. You're having multiple contradictory thoughts and feelings simultaneously. For me, the brain tangle seems like it's a knot that goes on forever. Every time I straightem a strand out something comes around the corner and wraps that loose strand right up.

I've always been a bit complicated, I've gone through things most people my age haven't. I was a mom before I even thought about adulthood so I had to grow up faster than most of my friends. I've been sexually assaulted by people I trusted. I've learned as of late that unfortunately, it's a lot more common than we think. We keep quiet out of embarrassment or fear or because we don't want to be judged. I kept those experiences to myself for years and just recently opened up about it during therapy. If my husband hadn't died and me start grief therapy, I would have never talked about it.

These experiences kind of mold who you become, makes you cynical and mistrusting. But you don't make the correlation because you're too busy hiding the fact that it happened. The worst part about this is that it's not your fault. You're hiding and feeling embarrassed by something that unfortunately you couldn't control.

I think this was the beginning of my brain tangle. Every difficult experience after this one just made the tangle bigger and bigger. By the time David died and I had to face my brain tangle, it was so big that my brain was probably more tangle than not. In the past 19 months I've learned more about myself than I did in the 34 yrs I lived. For so long I was just David's wife and the kids mom and Vanessa got lost in the brain tangle. She's finally finding her way out.

I love who she's becoming. I love the people in my life right now because they care. Sometimes it feels like a type of metamorphosis or like a rose in bloom. My interests have shifted, the way I parent has shifted, the friendships I choose are selective and not by default. I'm grateful that the new people I've encountered lately are amazing and the people that are in my life that have always been there just matter.

So, the dreaded brain tangle. Without it we don't grow. You have to learn to be as grateful for the hardships and the heartbreaks as you are for the good days and the blessings. It's the only way to stop the tangle from growing. Learn to communicate your feelings, good or bad. Learn to say no. Learn to be a little selfish with your time and yourself. Learn to let go of what isn't adding value to your growth and development. Learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Pull yourself out your comfort zone. Do things you normally would not do. Date the guy who isn't your type, he might surprise you. And if you think about it, your type isn't really working out now, is it? Don't be afraid to live, to love, and to let people in. The people who are constantly showing you that they mean well, that they care, that they wanna help, those are your people. Those are the people you don't have to be afraid of. Those are the people who you can be yourself with. Those are the people who won't judge you, who will love you no matter what. If you pay attention you'll know exactly who they are.

Having people like that in your corner will also help with the brain tangle. If you have a couple of really good friends who you can vent to just for the sake of venting and they won't judge, and they won't see it as a chore and give you constructive criticism (because it's needed) your tangle won't grow. It'll make seeing the hardships and heartbreaks differently. They won't feel so heavy.

My ultimate goal in life is to live a peaceful and calm life. Work, raise 4 decent humans, live in a sea of tranquility. No bullshit, away from negativity and just radiate light and love. Haydee tells me I'm definitely getting into heaven and she'll be my plus one lol. I like to believe I'm a good person, I live my life by treating people the way I'd like to be treated. No matter how fucked up life is, no matter who wrongs me, I just can't be spiteful. It's not in my nature to be that way. Hate doesn't live inside of me.

I would have been such a dope hippie in the 60s. I truly believe I was born in the wrong era. Anyway, I digress. I would love some feedback on the brain tangle.

How big is your brain tangle?

Do you know how to untangle it? How?

Have you thought about the people who you can truly trust?

What positive thing makes you feel and do better?

Comment below, I'm curious as to how others face their hardships.

Peace and love my babies ❤️❤️❤️