Vanessa

Hi people, thank you for coming back! In honor of my upcoming birthday I decided I wanted to write a mini autobiography. All my messes in one place, so to speak.

Little V was born Saturday December 13th, 1986 at 3pm in La Maternidad de Los Mina, Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic 🇩🇴. Mad long I know smh and this place is very much a "iykyk" kind of place. I don't know how much I weighed or measured, my parents don't remember. The only things I know about the time I was born is that my mom got really really sick and was hospitalized for almost a month and she wasn't able to breastfeed me. My dad wasn't in the delivery room, he was waiting outside like I guess they did back in the day and he told me he saw a nurse carrying a baby and walking towards the nursery. He was shocked because he told another dad that was also there waiting "Mira cómo nacen estos niños ahora, con los ojos abiertos" loosely translated to "look how babies are born now, with their eyes open". Little did he know that was me. Ready to take on the world.

Because my mom was really sick and in the hospital, I was left at the mercy of my clueless dad for a month. He filled out my birth certificate paperwork and all that himself. Luckily, he didn't name me, one of my cousins did. He did however get the date of birth wrong and now I have 2 birthdays. A legal one and a real one. Literally a day apart smh, can't trust these men with anything. It would be easy if I just stick to the legal one but my parents always celebrated the real one growing up so now I celebrate the real one too!! Jesus, the 80s 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️.

My life was messy from the start lol. At the time I was born we lived in my aunt's house. She was my absolute favorite. When she died I was really hurt. I called her "mama" like everyone else and even though she was my aunt, I considered her my grandma. I should probably mention that my dad is significantly older than my mom, therefore my aunts are like grandmas to me even though they're my aunts 🤷🏻‍♀️.

We didn't have much back then, we didn't have much ever to be honest. So I grew up daydreaming of what could be one day. We always struggled but I always had somewhere to live and food to eat. Thanks mom ❤️ my mom made shit happen no matter what. We didn't have fancy things, we didn't have a lot of things, wherever we lived wasn't ours, but I can't ever say I went without food, shelter, and clean clothes. My clothes may have been worn down but best believe I was clean.

When I was 6 or 7 we were granted visas and moved to New York City. We moved into my aunts apartment until my mom was able to get steady work and save up for an apartment. We found an apartment literally a block away from my aunt which I guess was convenient because we really only knew that neighborhood. I made a lot of memories in that apartment. Good ones and bad ones. I fell in love with Jasmin's dad in that apartment. I learned a lot of things about myself in that apartment. I went through middle school and high school in that apartment.

Middle school sucked for me. I was bullied daily because I was different. I was chubby, I wore glasses, I wore whatever my mom could afford, I repeated outfits so Mami wouldn't have too much laundry to do. I never had any fancy things, no name brand clothes or shoes, I didn't get my hair and nails done like other girls my age, I wasn't allowed to do my eyebrows, paint my nails, or wear make up, or my favorite, shave my legs! Mami set my ass up to get bullied. I have a lot of negative memories from middle school, I was so glad when it was over.

I've always been really smart, when I was little I knew how to read and count before I even started school. I got skipped because the work wasn't challenging enough making me always the youngest person in my class. When I came to NY I went straight into the 4th grade and I think I was only 7. I graduated middle school at 11 or 12 when everyone else was 13 and 14. I was on track to graduate high school by 16 and college by 20.

Unfortunately things didn't play out that way. Freshman year of high school was a lot like middle school and me trying to figure out how to not fail. Sophomore year was better because I had steady friends. Shout out to Lisa, Andy, Johanna, Marlene, Rene, Ralph, Alex, Lori, Darlene, Candice, Cynthia, Evelyn, Romy, Jessie and of course my new bestie Erica!! (I know I'm forgetting people and I'm sorry but my memory sucks) Erica became my lifeline in high school, we got so close and when her family had to move to Puerto Rico I was so sad. By the way, her birthday is tomorrow 12.5 soooooo HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTIE 🎉❤️

Junior year is when everything changed. On one of the last days of sophomore year I met a boy and he gave me my first kiss. I waited all summer to see him again when school started. When junior year started I met a bunch of new and different people and I felt so welcomed and I didn't feel like the same person I was at the end of sophomore year.

Everything changed junior year, I had a boyfriend, I had new friends, I met who would go on to be my very best friend forever, Shanny. We also had a third bestie, Evelis and we called her Evil lol. The three of us did everything together that whole year. We cut school together, we laughed way too much. We talked on the phone forever. We learned a lot from each other. I love you guys ❤️❤️

Towards the middle of junior year I lost my virginity. I wrote about this before so I won't elaborate now but bottom line is, he raped me. I really changed after this. I started cutting a ton of class, I was barely ever there and when I was, I was in the halls, staircases, I even started hanging out in the special Ed classrooms cuz they let me and I felt smart af. It all went downhill from here. Shout out to all the new friends I made there, Maria, Delilah, Steven, Josh, Alexis, Joseph, Sonia and Ileana. Sonia and Ileana became my new Shanny and Evil when they left the following year. I don't remember where they sent Evelis and Shanny was sent to another school because I was a "bad influence". But now with my new group of friends when I didn't spend the day with Jonathan I spent the day with them. Most of the time we went to E's house and did nothing lol. A couple years later E would go on to take advantage of me while I was too drunk to push him off me. Fucking disgusting.

Summer after junior year I met Jonathan, Jasmin's dad. Idk what it was but he just sucked me in and never let go. Now I was skipping school with him. I would miss weeks at a time and just stay in his apartment all day watching movies, he'd cook for me, we'd have tons of sex and a few months later I found out I was pregnant. I found out I was pregnant February 10th, 2003. They told me I was about 8 weeks along and set me up for my first ultrasound for March 11th. We were scared and tried to go to planned parenthood but I was more scared of that then of being a mom. Eventually mom figured it out and I felt relieved that I could keep my baby. On my sonogram day Jae and I were so happy to see our little peanut. The sonogram took a long time, and the tech went and got a doctor and then they did more stuff and then they told me my baby didn't have a heartbeat. My baby had died shortly after I found out I was pregnant and I always felt guilt, like did I do something wrong? The doctors just said it happens to 25% of first timers.

They set me up for a D&C on March 25th but my body had other plans. The morning of March 18th I woke up covered in blood and water. My body had started expulsing the dead fetus. I hopped in the shower and I assured my mom I'd be ok and she could go to work. My friend Amanda had mentioned how when she miscarried she just sat in the tub and let it all come out. I believed her so I tried to do the same. I sat in that tub for an hour or 2 bleeding out. When I thought I was done, I got up and when I was getting out of the tub I fainted. My sister called 911 and they took me to the hospital. I was really weak but I was able to explain to them that I was miscarrying. They asked me to make a fist to draw blood and I couldn't. I could barely open my eyes. Later on after sonograms, tests, iv drip, ice chips they figured out that my baby was still in there. All the blood I lost was mine and if I didn't come when I did I probably would have bled out.

They did an emergency D&C and after recovery they sent me home. This was my senior year. When everyone was going to prom I was just out somewhere being stupid and grieving a baby I probably had no business having anyway. So now I had to take an extra year of high school. That summer mom sent me to DR so I could just get away from all the bs. While I was in DR I started getting crazy sick. The whole time I was just puking. When I got back mom handed me a pregnancy test and sure enough it was positive. I tried to take extra good care of myself because I was traumatized of what happened. My morning sickness was so severe I had to switch to night school with the bad kids lol. I busted my ass because I was going to be a mom and I wasn't gonna be a loser. I had wasted enough time. I managed to make up junior and senior year simultaneously while pregnant. I delivered jasmin in April and in June I walked the stage and my baby girl was in the crowd.

After graduation everything changed, I needed a job, Jonathan couldn't keep one and we had a person depending on us. This led to us breaking up. I tried going to medical assistant school but it was in Brooklyn and eventually got too hard so after the first year I quit. I got a job at a supermarket on Bleecker Street and discovered I was a hell of an employee. Summer 2005 I went down to Florida because Jonathan had been living there, and somehow we rekindled whatever love was left.

That was also short lived because the patterns were repeating. I'm not going to say living in Florida was bad, under better circumstances it could have definitely been better and actually worked. Shout out to Rian and Teddy for always helping us out when possible. Things were rocky for a while because I ended up leaving Jonathan without notice. I came to NY for a weekend and never went back. I'm grateful for Rian and Teddy, for the help they provided back then and for all the love and attentiveness with my crazy kid. I love you guys ❤️

Now back in NYC freshly single, thinking I was grown I was a whole mess. I dated all the wrong people and made even more new friends. Shout out to Albi (still my homie!!), Cherissa, Elaine, Jimmy (won't ever forget you), June, Nana, Shaggy. I was living with my aunt now and she was very lenient, I always had a sitter so I was partying it up.

Eventually I met David, got pregnant and settled down. I've already told you guys my David story so no need to elaborate.

David was my lifeline for 15 years before he passed. We made some amazing memories together. He gave me my little demons and now I'm doing my best to not fall apart for the sake of them. Grateful for the new friendships I've made along the way. You meet a lot of people in 15 yrs lol but here are some, Haydee, Lexi, Karla, Karl, Pablo, Amber, Yenely, Delilah, Venessa, Rich, Jemal, Vanessa (there's a lot of them here) my Bronx leb fam where I got my nickname of Dory. Rebecca, Jeanette, Leidy, Zuleika, Migdalia and the rest of my VNS fam. My Norwalk fam Yolanda, Christina, Elvira, Maria, Iris. My Optimus fam Corissa, Mama Rosita, Sapphire, Yarelis, Yamilette and Sheila. And other friends and family that are amazing ❤️ April, Clarissa, Rachel, my amazing in-laws, Selenie, Jenny, Ofe (I love you sis), my Vickie's and the rest of my QS fam.

I'm very grateful for all the good people in my life, those that made an impact at one point or another and the ones that still stick around.

I write quite often about current events in my life so I'll end this mini autobiography here.

Thanks for reading and being part of my crazy journey. This is just a little bit. Trust me there's so much more.

Love,

Dory ✨