Why is it so hard to let go?

Why is it so hard to let go of the things we know aren't good for us? Why do our brains just get fixated on things or people? Is it the dopamine release? Do we get that from people too?

Why is it so hard to enjoy your own company?

Why do we fear loneliness the way we do? Why is it that we make poor choices when we have idle time? What's the secret to loving your own company so much that you don't miss anyone? I'd like to get there some day.

Why is happiness so hard to reach?

How can I get there? How do I push myself to that point where my opinion about me is the only one that matters?

All of these are questions I ask myself all the time. All those times I seem overly confident, I'm faking it. Truth is most of the time I'm riddled with insecurities. I pour myself into my kids, my job, my writing and even into the guys I like in attempts to kind of fill a void that I'm well aware I can only fill myself. I don't know if it's this new bout of depression talking or if it's the pain and heartbreak of missing those I love. At the end of the day, I don't have the answers to any of these questions. I'm constantly working on myself, building myself up, and I know, like I KNOW all of my good qualities and virtues. I KNOW I'm a great catch, I KNOW I'm a great mom, I KNOW I'm a good friend, I KNOW I'm a good partner, I KNOW I'm a GREAT employee (my work speaks for itself). So why, if I know all of these things about me, do I struggle with myself? How can I fully believe and accept how great I am?

I need a lot of me time. I know this. I need time to figure myself out, to work on believing what I already know.

I love you V.