Jasmin….

Jasmin is the eldest of my tribe. She complained to me because I haven't written about her yet so, let me introduce you to her.

Jasmin Mariah B. Was born April 16th, 2004 at 12:42pm. I was 17 and I had no idea what I was getting into. What I did know was that I loved her more than anything in the world, before she was even born. I was young but I refused for people to question my parenting just because I was young. During my pregnancy I read everything I could get my hands on that related to caring for a baby. I enrolled in parenting classes, I tried my best to make sure I was informed and ready to be a mom. At least the technical things like breastfeeding and bathing and all that.

Ironically Jasmin's pregnancy and delivery is the one I remember most. Maybe because it was the first. Jas was supposed to be a twin. I'm glad she wasn't. Had I delivered twins, I don't think I would have had any more babies and I'm not sure my life would have turned out the way it did. Jas is a savage lol even in the womb. Have you guys heard of fetal resorption? That was my first pregnancy. Fetal resorption is when one or more fetuses disintegrate in the womb and the surviving twin absorbes the tissue of the demised twin.

I often joke, imagine life with 2 Jasmins 😳 Jas has been my biggest challenge. She is headstrong, stubborn, she talks back, she's a know it all. But she's also pretty amazing. I know as parents we have the bad habit of emphasizing flaws and the things they lack, even if we celebrate all the virtues and victories the kids remember the times we said something mean or did something that hurt their feelings.

I've always feared failing as a mom and since I was 16 years old my main priority has always been to do my best so that my kids have everything I didn't have, so they learn what I didn't learn, so they can experience everything I couldn't. I know it sounds like my kids are super spoiled, to a degree they are. I'm not sorry about that!! I've been killing myself since I was 16 to make sure they always have what they need and enjoy what they earn. They safety, happiness and health is my priority.

I'm not perfect, trust me if anyone will tell you this is probably Jasmin. I make mistakes, I hesitate, I stumble, I cry, I fear, I'm human. This next part might sound a little fucked up but it's my truth, I genuinely feel like the more kids you have the better you get at parenting. I feel like the mistakes I made with Jas I tried to rectify with Jediah and so on and so forth. Maybe it's why Gabby has me on a pedestal.

Baby girl, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. I love the woman you're becoming, I love your drive, your ambition, your tenacity. I love how independent you're becoming, that you're learning your place in the world. You are AMAZING! You are strong, resilient, crazy, loud, and fiery. It's that fire inside you that makes you, you. It's that fire that draws people in to you. You have the presence and confidence to walk into any room and own it, and even though a sliver of shyness peaks in, I want you to know the spotlight is and always will be on you. Use it! Own it! Let it work in your favor, but always remember, karma is a bitch so don't ever build yourself up by putting someone else down. Let your accomplishments talk for themselves.

I know things haven't been easy and we've both gone through a lot, but one thing we always had was each other. Even when we were mad and beefing.

I kind of envy your ability to not give a fuck. In the areas where I care too much sometimes you remind me that I shouldn't. We've kind of grown up together, we've supported each other, we have fought, and screamed and hated each other until we didn't anymore. Because at the end of the day I love you and you love me and no matter how much we fight or get under each others skin, you're my baby girl and I'm always gonna have your back no matter what.

So keep being headstrong, and stubborn and fiery because it's that presence that will get you what you want out of life. However, you have to learn when to turn it off, even if it's a little.

I love you my beautiful girl 💖💖💖