Dear Dave,

Merry Christmas!!!

I wish you were here. I feel like every year that you're not here I'm just trying to play catch up and make sure the kids Christmas is as special as you would have made it. I even keep the same traditions, the wrapping on the 24th and the excitement in their faces on Christmas morning. I wish you could see it. I wish I could share this with you. It was always our favorite.

This is the second Christmas without you and I don't really know if it's easier or not. Still trying to figure out my life. Still trying to sort out all the challenges I'm facing. The grief is smaller, at least I think it is but it's definitely not gone. I mentioned you a lot yesterday I guess subconsciously I wanted to make sure you were included.

Sometimes I feel crazy because I feel like I still talk about you like if you were here and sometimes I just don't even want to correct myself. There are times when I really really wish you were here. Christmas time will always be one of those times. I miss our Christmas Eve nights where we'd stay up all night laughing and wrapping up all the presents. Well you wrapping and me keeping you company lol. Building up our parental excitement for the next day. I miss our Christmas mornings where we just watched with pride as they opened their stuff. The joy in their faces, their excitement, their happiness. It's not the same without you.

I wish I could single-handedly create all the magic for Gabby and Julian that we created for Jasmin and Jediah. A lot of times I feel like I failed them because when they asked about Santa shortly after you died, I didn't have the energy to lie to them. I cut the magic short for them and now I dont know how to recover from it. But you know me, I will always try my hardest to make magic happen even when I don't have anything to create magic with.

I miss you, I love you, we all wish you were still here.

Merry Christmas in heaven my love ❤️❤️🎄🎄